


Worth

by 11thDoctorWhoDestiel



Series: Better Days [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel is Not Okay, Dean is a mess, Hurt Dean Winchester, I Tried, I am so sorry, I hate myself for this one, M/M, Out of Character, Please Don't Hate Me, Poor Life Choices, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, What Have I Done, destiel au, so much pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 22:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14067243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11thDoctorWhoDestiel/pseuds/11thDoctorWhoDestiel
Summary: Just when everything seemed to get back to normal Dean starts to pull away again.Can Castiel fix whats been broken or will his choices make it worse.....





	Worth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [acklesassequation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/acklesassequation/gifts).



> I am really sorry it took me so long!  
> also I really hate myself for this one seriously what was I thinking!?  
> Please don't kill me I swear I am actually a really nice person *hides under bed*
> 
> hope you enjoy and let me know if there are any mistakes!
> 
> feedback always wished (good and bad ones)

It’s been a few months since the ‘Break Down’ as Castiel calls it in his head. Things have been getting better and have started to be like it was before. Dean had been Laughing at lot more and opened much more about what he was feeling. If you would have asked Castiel he would have answered that they have been stronger and happier than ever but sadly he didn’t know that it wouldn’t last for long. Everything was starting to crash when Dean started to sleep far away from Castiel as possible again and after trying hard to get Dean to tell what’s wrong Dean kicked Castiel out of the bedroom to sleep on the couch without any other word.

Castiel knows that he still must make it up to Dean completely but now with Dean pulling away again, it makes him go into a full panic mode. Every morning he makes Breakfast for him and Dean, He makes sure that he tells Dean how handsome and how much he loves him, he takes him to romantic Dates but still Dean keeps pulling away. It even went as far that when Castiel told him one Morning that he loved him, Dean completely snapped and yelled at him before walking into the bedroom and locking the door behind himself. Night for night Castiel lays awake on the uncomfortable couch and thinks of what he might have done wrong but no matter what he just doesn’t know what happened.

One night he couldn’t take it anymore as a small tear rolls down his cheek as he slowly sits up before standing and walking to the bedroom. “Dean can we talk?” the bedroom is dark as Castiel steps inside “can we talk about us please?” Dean sits up from the bed and looks over at him with a dark look. “There is nothing to talk about! Now leave me alone I’m tired” the harsh tone makes Castiel flinch and with a small nod he leaves the bedroom. The Next Morning wasn’t any better, Castiel is sitting alone at the table in the kitchen to drink his coffee.

The table is full of now cold breakfast, the heart pancakes Castiel made with much care don’t look so tasty anymore. After finishing his coffee, he slowly gets up and goes to sit on the couch. What Castiel didn’t expected were the two feet that appeared in front of him on the floor. he looks up slowly and is greeted with Deans sad and tired looking face. He has no idea how long they were staring at each other nor he has any idea how they ended up making out on the couch like two horny teenagers. What Castiel loved about kissing Dean was that no matter how much they kissed it still felt just like the very first time. He lets out a sob and pulls Dean closer as tears fall down his cheeks. These kisses were different and they both know it, these kisses they share now are the ones of a relationship that is falling apart. These kisses were a clear and heartbreaking message:

Goodbye.

The last hour was spent in bed together making love and saying things they haven’t for some time now. Dean was asleep with his head resting on Castiels chest but when it comes to Castiel, sleeping is the least he wants to do right now. That’s why he pulls Dean closer and tries to memorize every freckle and every part of his first love but soon his eyes close and he falls in a dreamless sleep. When he wakes up Dean is sitting at the end of the bed and stares out the window. “This isn’t working anymore, I will leave, and I won’t come back. I already talked to Sam and he will help me to move out tomorrow…We have been together far too long its best we get a Divorce”

“I…. You…You don’t have to move out, I will go…I will get dressed and leave right away…” Castiel gets up from the bed and puts his clothes back on with shaking hands. “I will get my stuff tomorrow…or I will just leave and you…you can…” Dean looks at Castiel who stands helplessly by the bedroom door and looks around before walking away.

Dean gets up fast and walks after “where will you be staying?” Castiel just gives a small shrug in return “I don’t know I will find someone I guess but before I go you need to promise me something, promise me you will be happy? Because that’s all I want for you” and without hearing a reply he walks out the door and leaves the love of his life behind. Having no plan on what to do Castiel takes out his phone and types in a number he hasn’t used in a long time.

_Cas: Jason Can I come over at your place? It’s kind of an emergency_

_Jason: Hey sure! Should I come pick you up?_

_Cas: Yeah please that would be great I’m waiting in front of my house_

_Jason: on my way!_

By the time Jason showed up Castiel felt numb. With one last look back to the apartment he shared with Dean, he gets in the car and drives away, his heart staying behind with Dean.

* * *

“Dean! Open the Damn door right now!” Sam yelled louder and kept hitting the door. As soon Castiel was gone Dean had called him and told him that they broke up, which was insane in Sam’s eyes. “I swear to god Dean if you don’t open this door right now I will kick it in!” Dean slowly opens the door and gets pushed aside by his giant brother.

“I didn’t ask you to come here Sammy so sto…” when he saw the glare Sam was giving him from across the room he shut his mouth and sat on the couch. “Okay so now you gonna tell me what happened and we gonna find a way to get you guys back together got it?” Sam sat down besides his brother and wait for him to start. “I…He lied to me, He said that he stopped texting Jason and that he…He told me that they didn’t…. you know? But it was a lie” “How can you be so sure Dean? I mean yeah Cas was flirting with him through text, but he isn’t the kind of guy who goes out and slee-”

“-Jason was here and told me” Dean cuts Sam off and looks at his younger brother who sits with his mouth open in shock. “Jason came over and he…he brought Cas’s favorite jacket he said that Castiel forgot it at his apartment 2 days ago” Dean wipes the tears away that fall down his cheeks. “The worst thing about it was when he asked if Castiel was home and if yes, if I could go out to give them some space to have fun, and once I told him that I am not the roommate but his Husband he laughed at me and told me that Castiel said he would never marry! Especially someone like me…” by the time he finished he was full on sobbing and holding his chest as if he was in deep pain. Sam hated seeing Dean so broken and did the only thing he knew his brother needed now and pulled him into his arms and whispered how important he was.

Jason parked his car outside his house. Together they got out of the car and went inside. "Thanks. Really I had no idea where else to go" Castiel said in a small voice without looking at him. "You really know how to make a guy feel good." Jason laughed, and they went in to his living room and sat down on the couch. "So, what happened? I mean don’t get me wrong you just suddenly stopped talking to me" he asked him while leaning back and taking Castiel in. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Oh god I just left, and I didn’t even take some clothes or anything with me! I just…I just lost him, and I don’t even know why” Jason pulled him close and just let Castiel cry until he fell asleep from exhaustion.

When Castiel woke up next morning he reached over to Dean was beside him, because usually he likes to cuddle in his sleep but when he felt nothing he froze and remembered what had happened and that he was in fact not laying in his own bed. He felt the tears coming and tried to blink so they wouldn’t fall. The events of last night came back in full force, Dean being cold, the kisses, the love making but most of all the pain of leaving Dean behind as he walked out of their shared home. ‘Is that how Dean felt whenever I left him alone?’ he wondered. Castiel didn’t notice how he started crying neither he noticed Jason walking into the room and walking over to him until he felt two arms pulling him towards another body.

“Shhh, Cas it’s okay.” Jason said and cradled Castiel closer to himself. "But HOW!? I lost him! I lost the only person that I loved more than myself” with the last strength he had get pulls himself free from Jason’s arms. He doesn’t see the frown Jason sends his way before saying “Come on Cas let’s get you something to eat, okay?” "Yeah.” Castiel said, his voice hoarse from the outburst he had. As both walked out of the bedroom Castiel saw his reflection in the mirror. Shit! I look horrible, he doesn’t deserve someone like me! Cas thought and felt the tears coming again. Without any words he walked fast into the kitchen. “I need to get a few clothes today and I need to talk to Dean again…” Castiel trailed off at the look Jason is sending his way. “well whatever just take my car and do what you got to do” Jason replied and left the kitchen without a look back.

Castiel was now on his way over to their house and damn was he nervous. It felt like he was going to puke, and it felt like he was the only one to blame for this. When he got to the house he sat in his car for a while, preparing himself. “Okay Castiel. You can do this. You HAVE to do this, you don’t want to lose the only important person to you.” he said to himself, got out of the car and started walking towards the door. Before Castiel knocked he took a deep breath and when he raised his hand to knock his hand shook, he never did that before usually he just went in but he felt like Dean would kick his ass if he did that now.

Three knocks and then he heard someone walking towards the door. “Okay, so this is it.” he said as then the door opened. He was met with a very huge and pissed off Sam Winchester.

“What do YOU want!?” Sam said anger clear in his voice. “Please.” Castiel pleaded. “I have to talk to him, please.”

“Well he has nothing to say to you! Not after what you did!” Sam said and gave Castiel a glare "I mean how could you even pretend like you don't know whats this is about!? Maybe if you think hard enough you will remember what an asshole you have been!" Sam said harshly before slamming the door shut in Castiels face. More confused and hurt than ever he turned around and for a second time left the one place he once called home.

* * *

 

Sam leaned his back against the door after he slammed it shut and let out a big sigh. He heard a car drive away and with that he knew that Castiel was gone.

"I swear to god Castiel do the right thing and fix this!" He whispered and walking back to Dean who was curled up on the bed hugging Castiels Pillow. Sam knew that Castiel never would do whatever this Jason guy said that happened. He still remembered the first time he Met Castiel and how happy he made Dean. He only hoped that Castiel got the clue and start to connect the dots.

Dean looked down at his hand and at the wedding ring that has been there for the past 2 years. Right now he couldn't imagine a life without Castiel, He loved him to much. He had hoped that when Castiel said  about nothing being between him and Jason  was true, that it meant something but when he left he saw Jasons Car and knew that his worst thoughts have been comfirmed.

"Dean?" he heard Sam's soft voice and looked up. He was looking at him with a concerned face and Dean just couldn't hold it in anymore. He got up and rushed into Sam's arms and hugged him tight.

"I want him to come back. I need him in my life Sammy I can't lose him" Dean whispered and more tears came. Come on get it together! a voice in his head screamed. Dean felt like thats the only thing he had been doing for the last 24 hours was crying and he was sick off it. Dean also hated showing other people this side of him, the emotional and vulnerable side.

"It will be fine! Castiel loves you just as much just let him figure it all out and believe me he will come back to you"

"I know, but what if..."

"NO! Don't think like that okay? You need to think about something else. So how about we get some ice cream and watch a movie, your choice?" Sam said.

"Can we watch Doctor Sexy?" Dean asked with a hopeful smile and when Sam nodded he let out a big smile and ran to the living room.

* * *

 Castiel has been thinking about what has been going on these past days and the more he thought the more the pieces fit together and the more he felt ashamed and like and idiot. he has been back at Jasons home for the past hour but he couldn't bring himself to talk no matter how much Jason tried to get anything out of him or since he was Jason no matter how much Jason flirted with him to get him to cheer up.

He was pulled from his thoughts when a fresh cup of coffee was placed in front of him on the small table and Jason let himself fall down besides him.

“So how do you feel now?” Jason asked him but Castiel was quiet for a little more. “This was the stupidest thing I have ever done! We shouldn’t see each other anymore.” Castiel blurts out.

“You can’t be serious about this right!?” Jason screamed and jumps up from the couch. “Is it because of that Fat bitch...”

“Hey, don’t call him that.” Castiel said, defending Dean. “WE only got problems because I was talking to you! So if I still want Dean in my life I can’t see you anymore. The mistake I did when I started seeing you has affected him alot, it has affected our whole relationship. I have tried every day to earn his trust back, but it’s hard and it’s even harder once I am gonna tell him I was here…” Castiel stopped because he didn’t really know what to say.

“But Cas, how can you let him decide over you like that. It’s your life.” Jason said. “Yes I know that Jason. It’s my life and I want him to be a part of it, damn it I want only him and nothing else for the rest of my life!”

“We have been best friends and now you are just going to throw it away because of a stupid insecure boy!?” Jason screamed and glared at him. “Jason stop calling him names! And Yes I am. I am sure he also thinks that we have feelings for each other and slept with each other, which is not true!”

“But what if he’s right?” Jason said with a quiet voice. “What did you say?”

“I said what if he’s right. What if I have feelings for you and what if we do sleep together” Jason said and started to move closer to. Castiels mind was screaming at him to run away and never get back but he was frozen in place from shock.

“Jason, please don’t.” he said weakly but still couldn’t move away. He couldn’t. He was trapped between the couch and Jason. Sure he could easily move him out of the way, but no matter what his body wouldn’t move. “Then stop me.” and when Castiel didn’t do anything he closed the gap and kissed him. Jason straddles him on the couch and grabs Castiel’s shirt tightly. Castiel tried to get away then but him moving caused Jason to push him on his back and rubbing their hips together.

“Fuck Cas” Jason moaned and moved his hips to meet with Castiels’s. “I bet Dean can’t make you feel like this.” he whispered in Castiel’s ear while palming him through his jeans. “You know, This stupid Dean thinks that we have been doing this for weeks and you want to know why?” Jason slowly leaned down and breathes in Castiels ear before continuing “Because I went over and told him so, just so I could finally have you like this”

Hearing Jason say that was like a wake up slap to Castiel and he pushed Jason off him with all strength he got “Stop! Jason don’t contact me ever again and stay away from me!” he screamed. Castiel watches how Jason gets up from the floor and sits on the couch with a smug grin.

“You know even though you didn’t cheat before you did now my dear but okay go on and back to him lets see how he is gonna react once he finds out about this” Castiel was speechless, he knew Jason was right and for that he hated himself but seeing Jason rub it under his nose and playing with his emotions got Castiel bursting with anger.

Jason didn’t expected Castiel to get this mad and neither he had any time to react as Castiel jumped him and just started throwing punches. It seemed like hours when Castiel finally stopped using Jason as a punching bag, completely shocked from what he has done he looked down at Jason who looks like a bloody pulp and is knocked out.

He nearly Killed a someone.

“Oh god no what have I done…” without looking back Castiel bolted from the house to the only place he knew.

* * *

A loud Knocking made Sam jump up from the comfortable couch he fell asleep in, slowly he gets up and makes his way over to the door. Before he can see who it is he gets pushed out of the way by a panicking Castiel. "Where is Dean I need to talk to him now! its important i don't have time." Sam was taken aback by the tone in Castiels voice, knowing something must have happened and whatever it was it wasn't good.

"He is asleep so you may come back later to talk after you also calmed down" sam tried to get Castiel to leave the house but that only makes him panic even more.

“Please! Dean I need to talk to you! Please listen to what I want to say!” he screamed, hoping Dean would hear him. “Stop tha...” Sam started to say but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. That’s when Castiel saw him. It only had been 2 days but to Castiel it felt like a lifetime. Dean looked so tired with dark circles under his eyes and they were also bloodshot. his hair was messy and he was wearing one of Castiels shirts.

“It’s okay Sammy. He probably is here to pick up his stuff here so sooner or later I would have had to see him and talk to him. It’s okay.” Dean said, and Sam reluctantly went back inside with a bitch face directed at Castiel for waking up Dean.

All Castiel could think about was to take Dean in his arms and hold him until both of them felt better. But he knew that if he did that he was screwed. “So what do you want to say?” Dean said tiredly. “I, I’m so sorry! I know what I did to make you hate me so much. I love you and I know what I did has made me lose your trust in me. But I would never do anything like that again! Please know that. When I told you that we’re gonna grow old together in this house and we will sit on the couch while you watch TV and I read my booksI meant it. All the things that I promised, I meant it. All off it. I love you and I never want to see you like this, It hurts, it breaks my heart and I would do anything to make it up to you. You are the one for me Dean and I can’t live without you, let me show you that. Please!” Castiel had tears streaming down his face again but he doesn’t even care and he took Deans hands into his.

When Dean didn’t take away your hands Castiel felt his lips twitch and he did his best to hide his smile, knowing that this was not the time to smile. “Eh, I don’t know what to say. You hurt me deeply and…” Dean stopped, lost for words. Castiel tried to say something, but Dean knew he had to stop him and say what he had to say.

“No Cas, let me talk!” Castiel nodded as Dean continued. “You hurt me deeply and I thought I trusted you, that you had my trust back, but then I found out about Jason and that you lied to me and I just know I don’t trust you right now. You should still know that I l-love you and I want to trust you, but hearing him confirm that you two slept together, I can’t. And that you don’t see that he clearly has feelings for you. I just..” Dean stopped talking and let out a small sob.

Just as Castiel found the words to reply there was a loud banging on the door. "Here is the police Open the door up now or we will break it in!" that got the attention of Sam who was listening in on the conversation. Dean was surprised as well.

"Castiel Novak we know you are in there! come out now! this is your last chance!" In that moment both Sam and Dean took Castiel in for the first time since he got there and noticed how his hands were swollen and bruised and how there was blood on his shirt. "What have you done?! who's blood is this Cas please tell me what is happening" Dean was in total panic mode now. 

But Castiel didn't answer and pulled him closer. "Im so sorry! don't forget how much I love you please"

The loud Crash from the door being kicked in filled the room and before either of them had time to react Castiel was pulled away  from dean and pressed to the floor.

"Castiel Novak you are bing arrested for attemped Murder and assault, you have the right to remain silence everything you say can and will be used against you" the officer said while putting the handcuffs on but Castiel wasn't listening all he could see was Sam trying to hold back a hysterical Dean who was trying to get to him. Roughly he was pulled off the ground an lead out the door, Deans screams and pleas fading with each step he takes and when he is sat in the police car and felt it pull away he let his tears fall.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I am so sorry please Forgive me Dean"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> You did it!
> 
> and Im sorry But i promise there will be more!


End file.
